Growing another person- be careful not to lose yourself!
- Oct 27, 2017
- & Amelia
‘You’re just glowing’ well that maybe from the heartburn – I thought, as I feel like my insides are ON FIRE.
Being pregnant isn’t the magical journey I thought it was going to be- it was hard work for me both emotionally and physically.
I felt that now that I had this bump that -everyone kindly reminded me of EVERY time they saw me- that I was just an extension of it- not it of me. Somehow I had lost the ability to have a normal conversation about anything else other than, babies, birth, hospitals or nappies- well that’s what everyone around me seemed to think.
And very soon I got sick of it- I wanted to chat about weekends, going out, music, clothes- that weren’t in the maternity section – but no one else did!
My body was changing yes that was OBVIOUS- I had massive boobs- that was a great thing- as I had always been small and now I had a cleavage- I jumped 4 bra sizes in 2 weeks!! AWESOME.
I tried to read all the books about what was happening in my body and what my baby was growing at that time- but I had a hard time keeping up week to week. And BOY was I tired and GRUMPY. I also had been vegetarian for 10 years and couldn’t stop thinking about eating meat- it troubled me and worried me and I seemed to have a moral ethical debate in my head almost daily until I just decided- Fuck it- Im going to eat an animal. And so I did- my body just needed meat at that time and after giving birth I went back to eating a vegetarian diet well almost all of the time.
I just had to trust in my body, myself and my baby, eventually when I stopped worrying about the poor little animals on the farm things began to turn around for me.
I also started to take charge of what people were talking to me about- if people kept going on about the pregnancy etc and I didn’t want to chat about it again for the 10th time that day- I would say- can’t we talk about something else? ‘Ill have my whole life to chat about this kid when they are here’. People really responded to that and many actually said – of I thought you would want to chat about it- well actually NOT I am still my own person and I do have other interests other than cloth or disposable nappies?
Becoming a mother or a parent really shapes your identity and often women begin to lose their own identity. We become someone’s mum first before we are even our own person.
This can be scary and dangerous as we melt into this new identity that is actually defined by someone else.
It took me a few years after the birth of my son to realise that I had actually lost some parts of myself, I really missed them and it started way back early in my pregnancy.
Gradually I have begun to re establish myself as a person and my own identity away from my son’s and it started with more self care and doing kind things for myself- not just always for everyone else.
As women as natural nurturers we must ensure we continue to nurture ourselves at whichever part of motherhood you are in- ensure your time for yourself is protected- as we cant look after everyone else if we don’t look after ourselves first.
Ideas for Self Care that don’t cost anything
- Have a bath-with something deliciously smelly and bubbly- lock the door
- Paint your toenails
- Cook something yummy just for yourself
- Put YOUR favourite music on for a change
- Go to bed early and read a trashy magazine that includes NOTHING on parenting
Being a mum is hard work but we are all doing the best that we can – we need to be not so hard on ourselves and to care about ourselves FIRST! I challenge you to do 1 thing for yourself this week- and let me know
SELF CARE is No.2 in my 7 Secrets to a WONDERFUL BIRTH.. you can download it here.
My classes have a special section dedicated to improving your self care routines and making it part of your everyday. www.wonderbirthing.com.au